Do you believe?

First of all, it's been a long time since I've updated my blog, sorry! My age old struggle to daily be in God's word yet again hit a wall, amazing how life can get me down when that happens, coincidence, I think not. So I'm ashamed to admit that I did a devotional tonight for the first time in literally a month, I run back to God when I'm desperate, instead of walking with him daily, you'd think that I would learn. But as always, He meets me where I am and the words that I read tonight, I've read the story a dozen times, but the actual words and their meaning hit me this time like a brick.

I'm reading God Came Near by Max Lucado right now too, this was actually the next chapter (in an amazing book, I recommend it, very short 2-3 page chapters with amazing ways to think about things). He was talking about John 11, Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead. We know the story, Jesus knew Lazarus was sick, he waited to go his village, Lazarus dies, Martha and Mary don't understand why Jesus didn't come sooner and save him, Jesus raises Lazarus from the dead, an amazing miracle all in itself, but four little words and one little thing that Jesus did in this chapter caught my attention tonight. As I struggle with faith right now, not faith that God exists, Jesus died for me, God cares about me, or anything like that, just faith that I need to have in God with things in my life that I'm so hurting with right now, things I have no control over, things I can't change, things that are better left in His hands anyway.

The four words were "Do you believe this?" and Jesus' action "Jesus wept". Jesus asked Martha if she believed that He was "the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" Do you believe this??? Do I believe that God actually hears my prayers, that He's bigger than my fears and anxieties, that He has the most amazing plan for my life, that He cares so much more than anyone that I'm hurting, Do I believe this???? Oh God, how can I not when you provide such perfect reminders as these words. And Jesus wept, JESUS, he wept because of the sorrow that his loved ones were experiencing, if he wept with and for Mary and Martha, He weeps with me when I weep and am hurting, Do I believe this??? I'm compelled to! Do I forget sometimes, unfortunately yes, but on a night when I just needed to be reminded, I thank God that even if I lose faith occasionally, He nevers stops being trustworthy.