Hmmm, I'll admit, I'm not peaceful right now, I'm trying to be, I'm seeking for God's peace, I'm just not there yet. And mainly I think that's cause He's asking me to surrender some things to Him that I'm scared to let go of. Like that's an unfamiliar story eh? I'm scared that if I let go, if I'm not in control, that the right thing won't happen, that what I want won't happen, talk about conceited, like God would screw it up and I wouldn't. Like I could do a better job than the Creator of the universe, I'm an idiot sometimes. But the desires of my heart, those are hard to give, even to Him.
However, He has once again faithfully laid out for me the next step and the next so that I'm not completely stumbling around in the dark. I pulled out a book that I had put down for a while last night and was confronted with some things that God was very clearly speaking into my life at this exact moment in time.
First of all peace, Philippians 4:6-7 says "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus". Couldn't get much clearer than that I don't think
Secondly, God is interested in the journey, not just in the destination. I so look at this time in my life as something that I just need to survive through until I get to the place that I want to be, I don't think that is what God is intending for me. God has all the time in the world and through these journeys He is refining and increasing faith. Yeah, see how that fits, see how I need to learn to have more faith, maybe surrender these things that I'm holding onto for dear life, hmmm, someone needs to trust more I think. But knowing that doesn't necessarily make it easier to do.
Perhaps the thing that struck me the most was the last paragraph in the chapter and it was this:
"Perhaps after all our worries and questions, we'll discover that all along God had the right thing at the right time for us. Perhaps His plan is more wonderful than anything we could create ourselves-whether it comes with pomp and blare, or quietly, like an old friend. Perhaps...perhaps...we should entrust our questions of How? and Who? and When? into His tender care."
You think Ang? That could have been the last sentence. So even as I write this I'm praying for these things that I so want to lay at His feet, safe and secure, in His loving hands, in the hands of the One who makes the impossible, possible and who loves me more than I could possibly fathom.
